I was getting a lift from my friend the other day, who happens to bat for the other team. She often discusses the presence of gay people at the ‘straight’ bar she works at, and this occasion was no exception. I always ask her “But how can you tell they’re gay?” and she always replies with “You can just tell” – informative as ever.
This time I took it a step further. I asked “Did you think I was gay when I met you?” The reason for this is because I’m aware that I have a somewhat ‘boyish’ exterior. ‘Boyish’ may be too strong a word, but for the record I’m a bit of a ‘tomboy’ – I have short blonde hair; mainly wear baggy jeans and t-shirts, even on nights out; I have a very ‘laddish’ and crude sense of humour; I love extreme sports such as snowboarding and surfing, and I’ve been practicing karate for more than a decade. I have now realise I must sound like a complete dyke. Jokes aside, despite all of this, I’m not what you would call ‘butch’; I’m just a typical extreme-sport girl who’s comfortable in her own skin - not comfortable enough to not wear a full face of makeup, I might add.
My friend replied “I did at first, and so did my lesbian friends.” Apparently when I said something like ‘Phwoar I’d tap that’ about a guy in our seminar, she changed her mind. As you can imagine, my thoughts were “great I look like a raging homosexual” – not because I have anything against homosexuals, but because I was annoyed that my own identity as what it is to be female didn’t pass, in the eyes of others, for my sexuality.
This led me to think about wider questions about gender identity. Why am I so concerned that I pass as a hetero-female? Why does the fact that I’m a tomboyish-female make people think I’m gay?
The answer to the first question is because to be heterosexual is to be ‘normal’. We all want to be normal right? To belong? Binary oppositions throughout Western culture dictate cultural ‘normalities’ and ‘abnormalities’, in this case heterosexuality and homosexuality. Heterosexuality is projected as a norm; despite the fact that a lot of people would describe Backstreet Boys’ music as ‘gay’, it’s actually full of reference to heterosexual relationships; Cosmopolitan is full of advice on ‘how to please your man’; and your mum never seems to mind you sharing a bed with other members of the same sex when you’re 13 years old. Homosexuality, as a result, is othered and portrayed as the abnormal, undesirable opposite; the Bible says bum-sex between men is for naughty people; women’s magazines never give sex advice on how to eat another woman’s beaver; and you’ll never find Brad Pitt featuring as the Men and Motors’ centrefold. Personally, I would argue that to portray homosexuality as abnormal is wrong partly because as many as 10% of the population are gay – and that’s only those that we know of, but that’s an argument for another day.
In answer to the second question, sexuality is assigned to gender. Therefore, because I act in a more ‘boyish’ way my gender may be defined as more masculine than feminine. As a result, people assume that having a more masculine disposition must mean I am attracted to the opposite – feminine – and people therefore think I’m a lesbian. So basically the attitude is “you act like a man, so you must be attracted to women”. This is far from the truth; as it happens I go for very masculine guys with humour just as crude as my own; the guys who fart in bed, don’t know what a mirror is and who struggle to find clean pants in the morning. My boyfriend is the epitome of this.
The problem with this is that people assume that you must be either one or the other – masculine or feminine. I am an embodiment of both, despite the fact that media and society foster masculinity and femininity as separate ideals. My ‘masculine’ qualities constitute those that I mentioned before. My ‘feminine’ qualities would be that I like wearing skirts and dresses – nice and breezy, I like slapping a bit of face on, I sob uncontrollably when dogs die in films, I like to feel protected in a relationship, I love gossip etc. These qualities are generally attributed to one gender or another, and therefore one sex or another. The fact that I possess qualities from both genders, as I’m sure most people do, suggests that the concept of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ are in fact, irrelevant. Why do there have to be labels to categorise qualities when it is almost impossible to possess entirely masculine or feminine qualities? Surely there’s no point in labelling someone who cannot be entirely one or the other? There is a whole other argument that goes here regarding the way males, as a dominant group, shape society and gender roles for their benefit – but I won’t go into any of that now, although many of the references I have looked at go into this issue.
Surely this demonstrates that gender (to be masculine or feminine) is culturally constructed rather than natural? If it is possible for a woman to act in a masculine way then surely it is not a natural quality only assigned to biological males? Likewise, if it is possible for a man to act in a feminine way then surely it is not a natural quality only assigned to biological females? The fact that masculinity and femininity can be performed by either sex demonstrates that these qualities are not exclusive to a particular sex. I’m not just talking ‘drag queen’ and Lily Savage, but the fact that it is possible for biological males and females to have the same qualities. I think it is an interesting point, and it encourages me to try and not take those things we perceive as ‘normal’ for granted.
So, as a result, I must confirm that I am perfectly comfortable with my sexuality, as I’m not convinced that my gender qualities have much to do with it – as they’re just a made up part of the world in which I live. I just wear what I want, what I like, what I feel comfortable in and continue to act the way that comes naturally to me. Happy days!
Ferree, M. M., Hess, B. B., 1987. ‘Evolutionary Perspectives on Gender Hierarchy’ (1), ‘Popular Culture and the Portrayal of Women’ (7), in Analysing Gender: A Handbook of Social Science Research, Sage
Intersex Society of North America, 2003. ‘How common is intersex?’ [Online] (Updated: 2008) Available at: http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency Accessed: 11/05/10
Jackson, S., Scott, S., (eds.) 2002. ‘Introduction’, ‘Should ‘Sex’ Really Be ‘Gender’– or ‘Gender’ Really Be ‘Sex’?’ (1), ‘Performative Subversions’ (3), ‘Hegemonic Masculinity’ (5), ‘The Husband’s Marriage and the Wife’s Marriage’ (25), in Gender: A Sociological Reader, Routledge
This time I took it a step further. I asked “Did you think I was gay when I met you?” The reason for this is because I’m aware that I have a somewhat ‘boyish’ exterior. ‘Boyish’ may be too strong a word, but for the record I’m a bit of a ‘tomboy’ – I have short blonde hair; mainly wear baggy jeans and t-shirts, even on nights out; I have a very ‘laddish’ and crude sense of humour; I love extreme sports such as snowboarding and surfing, and I’ve been practicing karate for more than a decade. I have now realise I must sound like a complete dyke. Jokes aside, despite all of this, I’m not what you would call ‘butch’; I’m just a typical extreme-sport girl who’s comfortable in her own skin - not comfortable enough to not wear a full face of makeup, I might add.
My friend replied “I did at first, and so did my lesbian friends.” Apparently when I said something like ‘Phwoar I’d tap that’ about a guy in our seminar, she changed her mind. As you can imagine, my thoughts were “great I look like a raging homosexual” – not because I have anything against homosexuals, but because I was annoyed that my own identity as what it is to be female didn’t pass, in the eyes of others, for my sexuality.
This led me to think about wider questions about gender identity. Why am I so concerned that I pass as a hetero-female? Why does the fact that I’m a tomboyish-female make people think I’m gay?
The answer to the first question is because to be heterosexual is to be ‘normal’. We all want to be normal right? To belong? Binary oppositions throughout Western culture dictate cultural ‘normalities’ and ‘abnormalities’, in this case heterosexuality and homosexuality. Heterosexuality is projected as a norm; despite the fact that a lot of people would describe Backstreet Boys’ music as ‘gay’, it’s actually full of reference to heterosexual relationships; Cosmopolitan is full of advice on ‘how to please your man’; and your mum never seems to mind you sharing a bed with other members of the same sex when you’re 13 years old. Homosexuality, as a result, is othered and portrayed as the abnormal, undesirable opposite; the Bible says bum-sex between men is for naughty people; women’s magazines never give sex advice on how to eat another woman’s beaver; and you’ll never find Brad Pitt featuring as the Men and Motors’ centrefold. Personally, I would argue that to portray homosexuality as abnormal is wrong partly because as many as 10% of the population are gay – and that’s only those that we know of, but that’s an argument for another day.
In answer to the second question, sexuality is assigned to gender. Therefore, because I act in a more ‘boyish’ way my gender may be defined as more masculine than feminine. As a result, people assume that having a more masculine disposition must mean I am attracted to the opposite – feminine – and people therefore think I’m a lesbian. So basically the attitude is “you act like a man, so you must be attracted to women”. This is far from the truth; as it happens I go for very masculine guys with humour just as crude as my own; the guys who fart in bed, don’t know what a mirror is and who struggle to find clean pants in the morning. My boyfriend is the epitome of this.
The problem with this is that people assume that you must be either one or the other – masculine or feminine. I am an embodiment of both, despite the fact that media and society foster masculinity and femininity as separate ideals. My ‘masculine’ qualities constitute those that I mentioned before. My ‘feminine’ qualities would be that I like wearing skirts and dresses – nice and breezy, I like slapping a bit of face on, I sob uncontrollably when dogs die in films, I like to feel protected in a relationship, I love gossip etc. These qualities are generally attributed to one gender or another, and therefore one sex or another. The fact that I possess qualities from both genders, as I’m sure most people do, suggests that the concept of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ are in fact, irrelevant. Why do there have to be labels to categorise qualities when it is almost impossible to possess entirely masculine or feminine qualities? Surely there’s no point in labelling someone who cannot be entirely one or the other? There is a whole other argument that goes here regarding the way males, as a dominant group, shape society and gender roles for their benefit – but I won’t go into any of that now, although many of the references I have looked at go into this issue.
Surely this demonstrates that gender (to be masculine or feminine) is culturally constructed rather than natural? If it is possible for a woman to act in a masculine way then surely it is not a natural quality only assigned to biological males? Likewise, if it is possible for a man to act in a feminine way then surely it is not a natural quality only assigned to biological females? The fact that masculinity and femininity can be performed by either sex demonstrates that these qualities are not exclusive to a particular sex. I’m not just talking ‘drag queen’ and Lily Savage, but the fact that it is possible for biological males and females to have the same qualities. I think it is an interesting point, and it encourages me to try and not take those things we perceive as ‘normal’ for granted.
So, as a result, I must confirm that I am perfectly comfortable with my sexuality, as I’m not convinced that my gender qualities have much to do with it – as they’re just a made up part of the world in which I live. I just wear what I want, what I like, what I feel comfortable in and continue to act the way that comes naturally to me. Happy days!
Ferree, M. M., Hess, B. B., 1987. ‘Evolutionary Perspectives on Gender Hierarchy’ (1), ‘Popular Culture and the Portrayal of Women’ (7), in Analysing Gender: A Handbook of Social Science Research, Sage
Intersex Society of North America, 2003. ‘How common is intersex?’ [Online] (Updated: 2008) Available at: http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency Accessed: 11/05/10
Jackson, S., Scott, S., (eds.) 2002. ‘Introduction’, ‘Should ‘Sex’ Really Be ‘Gender’– or ‘Gender’ Really Be ‘Sex’?’ (1), ‘Performative Subversions’ (3), ‘Hegemonic Masculinity’ (5), ‘The Husband’s Marriage and the Wife’s Marriage’ (25), in Gender: A Sociological Reader, Routledge
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